How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
