just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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