you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
