I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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