idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
