I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
