..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
