After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
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Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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