I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
