I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
