the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
