now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you had me at cake vodka
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
