He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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