I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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