I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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