She's JV to your varsity
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
