Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
