When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
