i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
