Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My balls are so social today.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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