rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
