he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
