I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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