remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
