True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
