Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
