I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
