remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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