The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
