2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We got so high we made milksteak
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
