Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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