You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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