why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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