Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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