I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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