The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
