my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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