U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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