areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I cockslap morals
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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