I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
