My room smells like vodka and shame
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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