I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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