Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
