her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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