Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
