I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
