I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
