he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
