If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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