We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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