I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
