What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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