hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
