bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
