Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
