wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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