After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
