I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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