there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
