absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
