So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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