you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
two words: eviction party
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
