Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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