Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
