Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
try to milk me bitch
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
