so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
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My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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