i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
