kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
