Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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