I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
