so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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