it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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