I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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