She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
