i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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