she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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