Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
