I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
