peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
