Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
