I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
