so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
