the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
