Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
